Conditional offer at London Southbank Uni

Yesterday was a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions type day for me...

Kings said they'd get back to us by 23rd (tomorrow) but we got a message saying actually it will be in the new year. When I sat there reading that message I could feel myself trying not to cry and called them just to clarify. I was told that the midwifery tutors have left early for Christmas and wont be back in till 4th Jan. The earliest we may here is now the 7th of Jan. It was originally 5 days after interview, then 10 days, then 2 weeks and now it's a month.

I've been going out of my mind checking hotmail, ucas track and kings myapplication every 10 minutes or so and can feel the pressure building and building. I'm so un-confident in my interview performance and just dreading an unsuccessful. I never realise how much I'd want this until this week.

When I got off the phone I just burst into tears. I can't face waiting over Christmas I feel obsessed like i NEED to know... and I see everyone else waiting patiently I don't know how they do it.

I was so down I shouted at my son for the first time yesterday. I was sitting on the floor in the living room crying after getting off the phone and he came over being his usual cheeky self and snuck up behind me and ripped some of my hair out. Usually I'd just tell him off in a firm voice but I turned round and screamed at him and he sat onthe floor and started crying as well.

So I made the decision to stop going online as much, frequenting midwifery sites and seeing everyone with their offers etc.

After this I got an email saying my ucas had updated. I knew it was an unsuccessful from LSBU and had to log in to track shaking..... it said conditional.

Well I don't think I've been so shocked in my life... I'm so happy and so proud of myself.

The problem is that LSBU I found out at my interview is much too far away... it's about 2 hours journey and that's with no traffic etc. It includes a walk, a bus journey, a tube journey, switch to another tube, then another bus. I have no clue how I would get their for placements say if i was on night shift etc.

So in a way i feel selfish having an offer when I now know it's unrealistic... I also feel panicky that I'm not going to get an offer anywhere else and will end up moving house. But I can't force my family to move for my dream?

Argh rambling here :(