Well today just turned so crap.
I've been arguing, or more like trying to avoid arguing with my dad all day.
I decide to go and do some retail therapy as i had to get out of the house and need some clothes for interview on Thurs.
my friend comes over and we go out. I open the boot to get my sons pushchair out... and i've only gone and taken it out of my boot.
So I attempt to carry him to mothercare, but he's just too heavy at the moment with my big fat baby belly etc so my friend carries him for me.
When we get into mothercare I find the cheapest pram is the Jive, which is about £30 which is fine for a basic pushchair! Only problem is they have about 50 bright pink ones, and one left in greeny grey with dinosaurs which is more boy/neutral. And there's a lady already buying it.
Her son is about 6 years old and says he hates the pram and doesn't want to get in it and wants to walk. But the lady says 'yes I know I hate this pushchair too but its raning and your shoes will get wet.' WTF. Here I am with the fattest pregnancy belly, hobbling around trying to carry my big-for-his-size toddler saying how i havent got a pushchair and i really need one and she's worried about her sons shoes. At this point I want to slap her. She straps him in, and they walk off - her complaining about the nasty cheap pram and him crying his eyes out because he's not a baby and wants to walk.
Luckily they agree to sell me the display model (with no discount!) and we're on our way. So I think.. .things can only get better right? Nope the only place we found that does maternity clothes was mothercare and they had no 'smart' clothes. We went to other shops such as new look but apparently none of them had their maternity ranges in this town for some reason.
I spent the next couple of hours trying to keep my son from screaming as he was so bored of shopping whilst getting hot and sweaty and red faced trying on clothes that obviously don't fit me.
In the end i found a plain smart black dress and a cardigan. It looks not-so-bad from the front until i turn to the side and the fattest baby bump is sticking out :(. I really, really didn't want to look pregnant for my interview.
So I end up just wanting to go home, I had a whole list of stuff to buy which i suppose i will have to go out and attempt to buy tomorrow.
I really need a break, i need to get out of this house my dad is driving me crazy. Luckily I had a night planned with my friend, but she texts me as i'm getting ready to say she doesn't want to meet up. All we were going to do is chill and watch some tv or a movie or something, whilst our boyfriends go out together for the evening.
I get a phone call from her boyfriend apologising saying she's started acting really strange and is having weird moods and keeps going and spending loads of time at her parents house, and i'm just hoping she hasn't got PND but the baby blues. I have no idea as she wont let me come see her.
So now my boyfriend has gone out, I'm stuck here shut in our room upstairs keeping out of my dads way. We have no food whatsoever as we were going shopping tomorrow and i was planning to eat at my friends tonight. And I'm bloody starving.
Oh and all I keep seeing is people who have interviews at kings. I know I should be happy I have an interview at all, and some people don't even get that. But I just feel like a failure. I'm obviously not good enough, not smart enough, not experienced enough, don't show enough potential. I don't know. I guess I'm doubting myself a lot at the moment. Would I even make a good midwife? What if mothers think I'm shit, and don't even trust me? My own dad doesn't even like me so why would strangers trust me with their safety and their precious babies?
I can't even find the motivation to prepare for my interview, I just feel like it's pointless, they're going to laugh at me as soon as i leave the interview room so why even bother. I'm not going to cancel the interview, as I will probably (hopefully) drum up some motivation before Thursday, but I'm not holding out any hope.
Sunday, 31 October 2010
Friday, 29 October 2010
Kings dissapointment
So tonight I got a message from Kings College saying basically that I have got through the shortlisting process but I'm not good enough to have gotten an interview.
They are going to interview the good people first, then if there are spaces I may get an interview.
Cheers Kings, my now last choice. I can't believe I wanted to go to Kings so bad, when they treat people like crap.
I'm feeling pretty bitter about it, I'd rather them just tell me I'm shit and give me an unsuccessful than try and raise my hopes for up to months on end before telling me I suck.
First thing Monday morning I'm phoning them to ask for feedback on my application. I know they prefer A level students but come on! I have distinctions in every single module of my access course, PLUS I'm doing extra modules including extra biology modules which are all predicted at distinction too!
I guess I'm in a pretty bad mood as well as I'm trying to revise for my Surrey interview. I can't think of answers to so many questions that are likely to be asked, I can't get my head around maths, I can't find half the documents I need to take with me like AS level certificates and I have no clothes that fit me other than PJs. Oh and I have 5 days to sort it all out.
On a good note it was the 3rd birthday of my favourite website last night. We spent the evening running auctions and competitions to raise money for SANDS which was awesome, and I won a tshirt in the raffle! Yay! my auctions raised over £75 so I'm quite happy with that as it's my first time :).
They are going to interview the good people first, then if there are spaces I may get an interview.
Cheers Kings, my now last choice. I can't believe I wanted to go to Kings so bad, when they treat people like crap.
I'm feeling pretty bitter about it, I'd rather them just tell me I'm shit and give me an unsuccessful than try and raise my hopes for up to months on end before telling me I suck.
First thing Monday morning I'm phoning them to ask for feedback on my application. I know they prefer A level students but come on! I have distinctions in every single module of my access course, PLUS I'm doing extra modules including extra biology modules which are all predicted at distinction too!
I guess I'm in a pretty bad mood as well as I'm trying to revise for my Surrey interview. I can't think of answers to so many questions that are likely to be asked, I can't get my head around maths, I can't find half the documents I need to take with me like AS level certificates and I have no clothes that fit me other than PJs. Oh and I have 5 days to sort it all out.
On a good note it was the 3rd birthday of my favourite website last night. We spent the evening running auctions and competitions to raise money for SANDS which was awesome, and I won a tshirt in the raffle! Yay! my auctions raised over £75 so I'm quite happy with that as it's my first time :).
Tuesday, 26 October 2010
Domestic abuse volunteering!
Yay! Over a year ago I tried to volunteer with a local domestic abuse charity. Their volunteers have loads of training in dealing with these women, councelling etc
Anyway they FINALLY have volunteer positions. I got an email today asking me to go for an induction next month :)
How great will that be for experience if I become a midwife and come across women suffering from domestic abuse/violence
I also have personal experience with this so I feel so empathetic with women that are going through it.
From my own experience, every time it happened... in a way it was good? Because afterwards he would be like truly the most loving, caring, attentive, amazing guy. Obviously it was guilt, but it felt good at the time... I felt loved. And when he hurt me in a way I sort of agreed with him? Like he'd make me feel like I deserved it... if you get me. The only people that knew what was going on thought I was crazy for not leaving but honestly, when you're going through it it really isn't as easy as that. Also sometimes there's the factor that you believe them when they say it's not going to happen again........ but unfortunately it always does :(
I still have a scar on my breast from where my ex put a cigarette out on it, and a scar from a scalpal down my side from when he sat on me and held me down and slowly cut down my body. But luckily most of the scars are mental, or "unseen" but a lot of women aren't so lucky.
Anyway they FINALLY have volunteer positions. I got an email today asking me to go for an induction next month :)
How great will that be for experience if I become a midwife and come across women suffering from domestic abuse/violence
I also have personal experience with this so I feel so empathetic with women that are going through it.
From my own experience, every time it happened... in a way it was good? Because afterwards he would be like truly the most loving, caring, attentive, amazing guy. Obviously it was guilt, but it felt good at the time... I felt loved. And when he hurt me in a way I sort of agreed with him? Like he'd make me feel like I deserved it... if you get me. The only people that knew what was going on thought I was crazy for not leaving but honestly, when you're going through it it really isn't as easy as that. Also sometimes there's the factor that you believe them when they say it's not going to happen again........ but unfortunately it always does :(
I still have a scar on my breast from where my ex put a cigarette out on it, and a scar from a scalpal down my side from when he sat on me and held me down and slowly cut down my body. But luckily most of the scars are mental, or "unseen" but a lot of women aren't so lucky.
Monday, 25 October 2010
Dohh
Feel like an idiot! Spent all day trying to get my head around GCSE maths, which you wouldn't think was too hard considering not so long ago I passed GCSE maths!!!! But now I have reread Surreys email and it turns out their maths test is KS2 maths, not GCSE arghhhhhhhhh so much simpler! All the example questions they've sent don't look too bad so I guess I'll get re-revising tomorrow!
Also a bit worried as on the list of stuff to take to the interview I have my passport & GCSE certificates but I don't have an NI card as i stupidly kept it in a purse that got stolen, can't find my AS certificates :(, can't find my birth certificate, no clue where my p60 is ...... and i need to get some passport pics done!
eek!
Also a bit worried as on the list of stuff to take to the interview I have my passport & GCSE certificates but I don't have an NI card as i stupidly kept it in a purse that got stolen, can't find my AS certificates :(, can't find my birth certificate, no clue where my p60 is ...... and i need to get some passport pics done!
eek!
Surrey Open Day
So on Saturday I went to the open day at the University of Surrey.
First there was a big exibition hall with stands from all the different courses, they all had 2 or 3 staff members except midwifery who had 1. There was a big que of people trying to talk to her and ask questions, and a couple of people stood there asking her questions that they could have just looked on the leaflets we were given for the answers! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Questions like 'so what are the entry requirements?' when some of us had questions that COULDN'T be answered just by looking at the leaflets and prospectus.
So after around 40 minutes of standing there listening to her saying 'you need these grades' and 'it's a three year degree' we had to give up as it was time for the presentation talk.
We went there and it was a nurse giving the talk, and the talk was about adult nursing, child nursing, mental health nursing, paramedic practise, some operating thing and midwifery. Needless to say she talked a whole lot about nursing and not much about the other subjects. One positive from this though was it truly clarified in my mind that I could NEVER become a nurse. When she was talking about it it just honestly sounded like my worst nightmare.
I've always wanted to work in the health professions, but never, ever as a nurse.
We then got drenched in the pouring rain trying to go back to the exibition stand to see if the SOM was free to talk to us yet... but when we went there we found out the last tour to the stimulation suite was going to be leaving.
So we went there........ and it was awesome. They had a birthing doll that is electronic and pushes the baby out in different positions, granted it was broken and not the most advanced example i've seen of these types of dolls, but it was still fun to play with. They also had the resuscitaire and other cool things to play with, and we got a chance to ask the staff a few questions.
We were told that we would not even be considered for an interview without midwifery or NHS experience, so I said that I had been invited for an interview and I don't have experience with midwifery or the NHS. The lady seemed surprised and told me I better get some experience before the interview! I've got less than 10 days......... how on earth am I going to find experience so relevent!!!!!!!!! Eek!
Spent this morning phoning community midwives but no one is answering their phones........ good job I'm not in labour :S
First there was a big exibition hall with stands from all the different courses, they all had 2 or 3 staff members except midwifery who had 1. There was a big que of people trying to talk to her and ask questions, and a couple of people stood there asking her questions that they could have just looked on the leaflets we were given for the answers! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Questions like 'so what are the entry requirements?' when some of us had questions that COULDN'T be answered just by looking at the leaflets and prospectus.
So after around 40 minutes of standing there listening to her saying 'you need these grades' and 'it's a three year degree' we had to give up as it was time for the presentation talk.
We went there and it was a nurse giving the talk, and the talk was about adult nursing, child nursing, mental health nursing, paramedic practise, some operating thing and midwifery. Needless to say she talked a whole lot about nursing and not much about the other subjects. One positive from this though was it truly clarified in my mind that I could NEVER become a nurse. When she was talking about it it just honestly sounded like my worst nightmare.
I've always wanted to work in the health professions, but never, ever as a nurse.
We then got drenched in the pouring rain trying to go back to the exibition stand to see if the SOM was free to talk to us yet... but when we went there we found out the last tour to the stimulation suite was going to be leaving.
So we went there........ and it was awesome. They had a birthing doll that is electronic and pushes the baby out in different positions, granted it was broken and not the most advanced example i've seen of these types of dolls, but it was still fun to play with. They also had the resuscitaire and other cool things to play with, and we got a chance to ask the staff a few questions.
We were told that we would not even be considered for an interview without midwifery or NHS experience, so I said that I had been invited for an interview and I don't have experience with midwifery or the NHS. The lady seemed surprised and told me I better get some experience before the interview! I've got less than 10 days......... how on earth am I going to find experience so relevent!!!!!!!!! Eek!
Spent this morning phoning community midwives but no one is answering their phones........ good job I'm not in labour :S
Friday, 22 October 2010
I have an interview
I officially have an interview! I am SO happy, so excited, so NERVOUS.
It's for University of Surrey. And I'm going to their open day tomorrow as well so great timing!!!!!!!!!
They have literally given me 12 days to prepare! minus one day as i'll be out all day at the open day tomorrow. minus another day as thursday is studying-no-excuses day. minus another day as i volunteer all monday afternoon and all friday morning so that equals another day and a half.
So realistically I have 8.5 days to prepare!!!!!!!!! whilst doing a million other things like looking after my crazy toddler all day!
Wish me luck!! I have a feeling I'm gonna need it ;)
xxx
It's for University of Surrey. And I'm going to their open day tomorrow as well so great timing!!!!!!!!!
They have literally given me 12 days to prepare! minus one day as i'll be out all day at the open day tomorrow. minus another day as thursday is studying-no-excuses day. minus another day as i volunteer all monday afternoon and all friday morning so that equals another day and a half.
So realistically I have 8.5 days to prepare!!!!!!!!! whilst doing a million other things like looking after my crazy toddler all day!
Wish me luck!! I have a feeling I'm gonna need it ;)
xxx
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Feeling poo
So my sons been ill this week, had to take him to the doctors and give a poo sample to the hospital! he's been vomitting a lot, runny poos, pale, hot, not eating, sleeping for hours on end even during the day.
He's started to perk up today but typical today I have been having pains myself, like achy period pains and a massive headache and my back hurts :( booo! Then I went to the toilet tonight and when I pulled down my knickers there was all blood in there... so it's lucky I have a midwife appointment tomorrow!
*Nearly* finished my psych essay today, spoke to my tutor and promised to send it off in the post tomorrow - oops! Better get cracking... all I really want is my bed though!
Still craving talcum powder, guess that's another thing to discuss with my midwife tomorrow.
He's started to perk up today but typical today I have been having pains myself, like achy period pains and a massive headache and my back hurts :( booo! Then I went to the toilet tonight and when I pulled down my knickers there was all blood in there... so it's lucky I have a midwife appointment tomorrow!
*Nearly* finished my psych essay today, spoke to my tutor and promised to send it off in the post tomorrow - oops! Better get cracking... all I really want is my bed though!
Still craving talcum powder, guess that's another thing to discuss with my midwife tomorrow.
Monday, 18 October 2010
Surrey uni
Today I recieved an email from Surrey University saying
'Your application is currently in short listing and we will be in contact with you shortly.'
yay!
ohh and I also got an email about their open day on Saturday :) I can't wait!
xxx
'Your application is currently in short listing and we will be in contact with you shortly.'
yay!
ohh and I also got an email about their open day on Saturday :) I can't wait!
xxx
Saturday, 16 October 2010
So frustrated
I hate this psychology work!
I've done all the biology modules, which was so much easier as it's all FACTS. I now have psychopathology, social interaction, biology health and disease and child development to do! they ard all psych modules, yes even bio h&d, and i hate it!
Well I love learning about it as it's sooo interesting but at the mo I'm meant to be writing an essay on abnormality! Sounds simple but we have criteria to fulfull to get good marks and i cannot fit it all into 2000 words! I keep asking for help from my tutor and he is really nice but he keeps saying that i am writing too much with too little information! I understand where he is coming from so am now redoing my essay in a condensed form..... but when i ask him things he says 'you have to look in your learning materials' um... where do you think i'm looking?!?! at the ceiling?! I wouldn't care but as I've said before my uni wants distinctions. Grrrrrrrrrrr
and behaviourism! What is that all about! I get all the other models of behaviour, like Freuds personality thingies and the humanistic approach and the medical model but this behaviourism thing is stupid!
Argh sorry just letting off steam.
Oh on a positive note I recieved a letter from Middlesex University yesterday dated 13/10/2010 saying that I will hear whether I have an interview within 2-4 weeks! Eek! That means any time from the 27th October - 10th November!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooooh I can't wait! Please please let me have an interview!
xxx
I've done all the biology modules, which was so much easier as it's all FACTS. I now have psychopathology, social interaction, biology health and disease and child development to do! they ard all psych modules, yes even bio h&d, and i hate it!
Well I love learning about it as it's sooo interesting but at the mo I'm meant to be writing an essay on abnormality! Sounds simple but we have criteria to fulfull to get good marks and i cannot fit it all into 2000 words! I keep asking for help from my tutor and he is really nice but he keeps saying that i am writing too much with too little information! I understand where he is coming from so am now redoing my essay in a condensed form..... but when i ask him things he says 'you have to look in your learning materials' um... where do you think i'm looking?!?! at the ceiling?! I wouldn't care but as I've said before my uni wants distinctions. Grrrrrrrrrrr
and behaviourism! What is that all about! I get all the other models of behaviour, like Freuds personality thingies and the humanistic approach and the medical model but this behaviourism thing is stupid!
Argh sorry just letting off steam.
Oh on a positive note I recieved a letter from Middlesex University yesterday dated 13/10/2010 saying that I will hear whether I have an interview within 2-4 weeks! Eek! That means any time from the 27th October - 10th November!!!!!!!!!!!! Ooooh I can't wait! Please please let me have an interview!
xxx
Friday, 15 October 2010
It's been a long time!
Oops! I forgot this blog existed! How exciting............. time for an update I guess!
1. My son turned 1 in May 2010...... a week later I found out I'm expecting again! I'm due another little boy at the end of Jan / begining of Feb 2011 :D
2. I completed Biology 1 of my access course with 5 distinctions. i then completed biology 2 of my access course with 2 distinctions. And then I got another distinction in statistics and research methods.
3. We moved out of our house and back into my dads house. He had a major op this summer and we're here trying to help him look after the house and our pets etc. I think he loves having Jakob here all the time!
4. We had our first family holiday this september in the canary islands, it was absolutely amazing :D I love my boys xxx
5. After my holiday I was made a moderator on a fab midwifery website which I love!
6. I finally finished a personal statement and sent my UCAS form off in September! Wish me luck
7. I got to go to Maternity services 2010 conference on behalf of website mentioned above! I am currently writing an article about the day which is fun! but I keep having to cut it down as I write too much hehe
8. Earlier in this blog I mentioned my friend was 7 weeks pregnant. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girlie last week on 10/10/10 :D
That's all I can think of right now
I'm going to seriously try and not to forget this blog in future hehe so keep posted
xxx
1. My son turned 1 in May 2010...... a week later I found out I'm expecting again! I'm due another little boy at the end of Jan / begining of Feb 2011 :D
2. I completed Biology 1 of my access course with 5 distinctions. i then completed biology 2 of my access course with 2 distinctions. And then I got another distinction in statistics and research methods.
3. We moved out of our house and back into my dads house. He had a major op this summer and we're here trying to help him look after the house and our pets etc. I think he loves having Jakob here all the time!
4. We had our first family holiday this september in the canary islands, it was absolutely amazing :D I love my boys xxx
5. After my holiday I was made a moderator on a fab midwifery website which I love!
6. I finally finished a personal statement and sent my UCAS form off in September! Wish me luck
7. I got to go to Maternity services 2010 conference on behalf of website mentioned above! I am currently writing an article about the day which is fun! but I keep having to cut it down as I write too much hehe
8. Earlier in this blog I mentioned my friend was 7 weeks pregnant. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girlie last week on 10/10/10 :D
That's all I can think of right now
I'm going to seriously try and not to forget this blog in future hehe so keep posted
xxx
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